the1warrior's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anxiety seesaw I don't know what I am doing. The past couple of days is like Topsy turvy life. I feel odd. I am not sure what is really going on but I feel the need to cultivate my own energies. I am doing that by doing this book and I see I seek alone time. And some weeks it seems more difficult for me to do so. This week I went and got my weed one night and then I went to visit Natasha because she had surgery. And I feel like my week was scooped up out of nowhere. Going to visit friends is good. But an ah ha moment I would rather learn to spend time alone, with myself and find the me that is screaming at me from the inside to stop it and get the fuck up and quit the cigarettes and get healthy and find spirit alive within me. I may have used punctuation but it felt like one really long run on sentence. I speak in mind flows and I allowed myself to verbally unload on angyla today and I don't feel good about it. I just see so much that needs to change and I don't see it happening and I loose it. Get a grip Michele this year you are going to be 36. THIRTY SIX. Like seriously. I'll be on the front end of 40. What happened to my youth? I cannot even fathom 36. I mean 35 was a big turning point. And so much has changed within me. And I have to practice not but-ing myself so much. Because I want to say but it was not easy and it continues in fast pace motion. What am I even talking about. I am stressed over normal human things. Money and bills, everything depending on my commission check. Raising a rowdy teen who I just want a better life for then I had. More attention and love and forgiveness and openness. I am a feeling high levels of oddness at the moment. Deep breathe in...deep in through the nose Morning pages morning pages how you break through barriers I try to keep unwraps for my own sanity but is it for my sanity or is it to stay stuck??? I want to be free. I want to awaken to a different vibration. Elevation through energy levels of beauty and growth. Those deep breathes help and I realized that quitting smoking in the past has taught me that cigarettes keep you breathing in and out and when you quit you don't breathe as deeply as much and your energy system in this world needs that breathing deeply. So in turn once we quit smoking we need to be consciously breathing in and out more often. It eases the level of anxiety. 7:01 p.m. - 2016-09-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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