the1warrior's Diaryland Diary

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Calm down Michele, RELAX (Don't tell me to fucking relax)

There were struggles developing, fighting occurring, thoughts melting and becoming bigger then they knew they could be, and we decided to continue to be different. We decided that no matter what we went through, go through, or may go through as long as we can try to develop our communication skills then we actually have a real chance at a real adult relationship.
Somewhere along the line I misplaced my confidence and I am attempting to snack back my mojo at this time. Lack of confidence begets paranoia in which begets detective mode in which begets �If your looking you will find something� even if its nothing in which begets INSANITY. I refuse to live that kind of life when Angyla have given me no real reason not to trust her.
She is NOT Corina.
What a subject that is.
My ex.
To this day I boggle my mind for reasons and reasons and reason WHY. I just saw her this morning as I was standing here in High Limit waiting for a customer and she walked by my window holding a jackpot and did not even look in my direction. The funny thing is it used to bother me, as of now I realize that�s who she really is. Everything is a game, and I decided to not participate in bloody Candyland any longer. Knives, guns, whips, chains, stabbing emotional negative UNlove. For some reason she still enters my energy and when I see her for these brief moments at work I want to grab her by the arms and shake the shit out of her and do one more SHAKE and scream ITS TIME TO LET GO. Even if I still do not understand why I kept going back and going back and risking my heart and sanity. And now half the time things trigger things from the past and it affects my currant relationship and that I will not HAVE!
Angyla really does reel me in, during the communications we have she seems to say the right thing to make me snap out of shit. Simple statements that make everything more clear. I am excited to spend my life with her and I feel like we both benefit immensely. She just has a way about her, more so then any other and I realize that is why we work. She is much more willing to fix things with me, to help me see the truth, to alert me to my own stupidity and for some reason she is the one I believe.
Time moves so rapidly and I am changing as we speak. GO with the flow Michele, all will be well.

10:33 a.m. - 2012-05-05

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