the1warrior's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple of steps Step number 1 Admitting you have a problem. I HAVE A PROBLEM! Step 2 believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity I know the power that we hold within us has not words but entails that we can accomplish all we need to in order to function on a calm, peaceful, centered, and grounded. I made an appointment to talk to someone. Its been so many years brooding over weather or not doing something like that will help or just be money wasted out of my pocket. I think I am going to get put on some sort of medicine. I have never been one of those people who wanted to be dependent on pills. But I mean I am dependent on Pot and Cigs and Corina so why not pills to assist me in functioning and living a more normal existence, instead of feeling anxiety and paranoia and sick stomach and thinking and over thinking all the shitt that I have done and that has been done to me. I see things. And the picture I once saw changes all the time. Feelings and hopes and aspirations always shift and glide with the turnings of the tide. And If Derek walked up right now...I would turn him down. I would say No. And that I find interesting. Things with Corina are different. Like on an actual level, quite different. The effort she is putting forth is quite wonderful. And I am praying for peace. I am letting go of my fears. I am releasing all my worries to God realizing that I am happy. And THAT is what scares the shit out of me. THAT is why I lay awake at night. I feel like crying. I am bleeding like a stuck pig. And I just want to crawl up in silence and have my mommy near. But you know whateves 3:30 p.m. - 2009-03-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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