the1warrior's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I hate to say this but I feel like I am falling apart and perpetuating it within myself is only making it worse. I did not want to rise up out of bed today. I woke up around noon and just layed there for more then an hour brooding over this life. Its as if sometimes I forget who I am in an instant and then I feel empty. Empty of love of passion of understanding. I saged the house when I finally did get up in hopes that just the sent would send me spiraling in the other direction. I am trying my best to pull myself out of this darkness I'm moving through. I wonder if the meds are a good thing or not? I figure its worth a try at least to see if it balances some chemicals in my brain enough to give me the edge to start seriously working on my problems. Half of which I have no idea what they are or where they come from. Why is it that we forget who we are? Fantasies play out in the mind of how perfect things should be or how perfect life could be all the while having the power to create those things. Change your mind. Change your attitude. All I want to do is smoke. Now tell me what is that going to do except give me a false sense of peace, when in fact I cannot live my whole life high. I was actually planning on buying myself some this week, but had to spend 80 bucks on all my meds. Celebrex from my feet because I have planter fascitis naproxen for cramps cause they get bad, ambien for sleeping because I cant. and Celexa for depression which I am afraid of because I have never been one of those people to want to be dependent upon medicine to straighten me out. The point being 80 bucks later and I am have no pot. Would it be better to smoke instead of paying for that medicine? That is definitely what some schools of thought would think. But to think what others think is not to think for myself. And I think I don't know what I think. I need music in my life. 3:54 p.m. - 2010-03-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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