the1warrior's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NUT... whatchu say My own personal demons run free and rampant as soon as the lights turn off at night and I am left there in the silence always and forever desiring. The lyrics to songs run through my mind and I want to be back where I was when I was where I was then... "All the leaves are brown and the sky is grey and the sky is grey...I went for a walk on a winters day...said I'd be safe and warm if I was in L.A. if I was in L.A....California dreaming on such a wintersss dayyyyy" I am left to rise up out of my bed as she says "I feel a blockage" because I am tired of saying the same things. I am tired of always being the one to have a complaint when I am not sure if either I am just too needy or if I have needs that are not being met. How does one know when if fact each and every thing cannont be perfect all the time. And sometimes I am such a child. Sometimes I am such a girl and want to be held and caressed like I am the queen for one moment in time...sometimes I am tired of being so tough and brave when all I want to do is cry...and sometimes I am so happy I don't know if anything around me is real...and something is missing from my heart...a piece severed and taken away... Too many dots...to much room for discussion and when you really need to talk there is no room to do so there is no human who understands your first instinct is when the going gets tough RUN or sniff it up your nose until the boundaries of reality bounce off the walls like your feet in a ball pit. Can you hear me standing up on this pulpit? I might be ridiculous I might be ludicrous but my heart sings from the tops of mountains and I long for something different...I long to be far away from here on the edge of something magnificent. I long to settle down have a family and be loved by one person and one person only... So many GD contradictions I am not sure why my mind must be so mutable. Why my heart feels so unsettled... Or could it be as simple as a horny toad just looking to get a FUCKING NUT...yeah maybe thats it... 2:20 a.m. - 2009-06-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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