the1warrior's Diaryland Diary

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Pause I need a ciggarette.

147am and my eyes are wide awake
and to be able to see out them is a new found glory of sorts. I wrote all day today penning away in that little red fat book I have. Brian sat next to me a timid taurus and asked me what I was writing. I told him poetry. He asked me to read it to him so I did. And he got it. It was nice. I talked to 2 hot puerto ricans girls from NY on the way out and we had a nice laugh.

I know I need to talk to Steve, and Im going to do that soon because god willing its okay with him. If not whatever Ill find somewhere, its not like I dont have friends. Im sure theres places I can go.

I feel more connected with 'ME' then I have in a long time. To reclaim your own energies and pull cords from the depths of your soul is freeing. And its sad that it all meant so much to me. Because i find myself an utter fool filled with anger. But in a good way if anyone could possibly understand that one.

I feel a new wave coming on. A new horizon to be crossed. And I am okay.

Disconnection comes with the territory and its not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you have to build a wall so tall and so thick that nothing can penetrate. For the sake of your heart. Yeah I know everything means to much to me and everything is too intense for me and I think about each little detail too much but thats who i am and I cannot help but be myself.

At least I am trustworthy. So many people can look you right in the eyes and tell you one thing then say another to someone else and theres never any cold hard truth because everyones afraid of what the truth may hold. Well not anymore for me because the truth the truth the truth shall set you free.

I should work my way back to the bedroom but I needed to write and myspace isnt it for me right now. I just cant be honest there. Read read away for i dont know you do and I dont care.

My eyes are tired and my heart hurts more then i let hiding far behind this wall. And I push it all down deep inside and exhale. I breathe in love energy and inhale. I dont need anyone. I can make it on my own. I must build my confidence, my strength, my will against all that does not serve me.

And so I say goodnight.

1:45 a.m. - 2006-10-19

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