the1warrior's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jab cut slice and dice Revelations sometimes bring you into a spiral of questioning that turns into one simple point of living in the NOW. If you live in the future too much you may actually drive yourself crazy. I've been up since 7am today and I am trying to be that morning type person who is happy and smiling and it doesn't always work when you have so many different personalities ganging up on you even if they are just trying to "joke" or "play" with you. I am a different breed. My energies do not necessarily like the air at this early time in the morning, feels thick and hustled by the bustle of the world moving too much. The air at night is different. I feel like I can breathe deep and inhale the spirits of peace. Things change though and if I have to become a morning person I'll just have to work harder. I've been feeling that fight or flight aspect popping up lately where I am just not in the mood anymore and patience are running thin. Love is at a hard angle and my mind and heart are contradicting my way of being. Revelations acting as a barrier when in fact aren't they supposed to free you. I dont know. I have always been different and I wonder when I will finally be able to calm down. I believe alot of this has to do with the fact that I am turning 30 this year...some sort of mini life crisis when you stumble upon 30 and realize you do not have much to show for it, like you've been living in the clouds for so many years and now that their dissipating things are changing in ways I never new they would or for reasons that have created themselves. I feel angsty...like I have reasons for things that don't really exist and the time for change is right over the horizon. Where does one go from here? What does one do? Always questioning...at least that is a theme I know and love...its a double edged sword for a life of not knowing exactly what to do or where to go. Well I guess Ill have to live with just not knowing. And time will be there to tell me and show me as I am supposed to know. 9:01 a.m. - 2010-06-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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